The Road Goes Ever On and On

Why Community Rocks (part 3)

I have a friend who knows everything about me and is still my friend.  And I mean he knows everything.  He has the dirt to really hurt me if he wanted to.  But I trust him and he trusts me, and I know his full story too.  It makes us much better men.

Some would say we are lucky.  Don't insult us.  We have worked hard in our friendship and at some points it almost didn't survive, it was so rocky.  We have the freedom to speak hard words to each other, and we do.  We have both grown in the skill of speaking direct words gently.  But it still hurts, and it puts our friendship at risk every time we do it.  To me that is the definition of a true best friend, that you love the other person so much, you put the friendship itself on the line to help him become better.

At times I have been frustrated.  I've wanted to just be "normal' friends.  You know, share an interest, go bowling, hiking, freakin' anything other than always sharing our dirt with each other.  I've been tempted to end the friendship based on the fact that we don't really do anything except share accountability over coffee once a week.  But I recognize this as my dark side.  I want to hide, to fade into the background and get out of the kitchen because I can't stand the heat.  I've learned my life depends on me resisting that voice.

So what else have I learned?  Close friendships will seem to cost you more than you get from them, at least on the surface; but hang in there, it's only your pride getting a reality check.  If you go deep, you will get hurt (but it's a good hurt).  You must be intentional.  You must have guts because it takes guts to go where most men fear to tread.  Finally, there is no way to be a better man, husband and father if you choose to hide. 

Why Community Rocks (part 2)

I meet with a counselor once a week.  My kids got it out of me that I do this (I homeschool, so they know my every move).  It has become sort of a joke with them, so when I head out the door they tell me to have a good therapy session. Talk about God working humility in your life.

This past week I got very angry with my "therapist".  To give you a visual, a session is a lot like surgery.  I go in, sit down, exchange a few pleasantries, then he starts asking questions.  Basically, he rips open my chest cavity, sticks in his hand, rummages around my vitals, finds something, then brings it out and shows it to me.  Sounds painful, and it is.  Don't get the idea he's a sadist.  He is actually very kind and gentle.  But when you give someone permission to mess with your stuff, damn it, it hurts like hell.  Thus, the anger.

In spite of the pain, these sessions are essential.  If I didn't have them, I would be operating with a lot more denial, dysfunction, or unreality.   Attempting to live with wrong assumptions about yourself, God, or others is like using a map for Atlanta when you are driving in D.C.  We all need people to speak into our lives (some,like me, need a professional).

Everyone deals with sin.  If you want to argue, look at 1John 1:8-10.  Case Closed.  Why do corporations have job reviews?  Mainly because no one I know is great at judging their own effectiveness.  You must have feedback.  The business world knows this.  Successful people know this.  God knows this, which is why the Bible is huge on community. 

So if you get anything out of these jumbled thoughts, I hope it is this: no matter where you are in life, you need others doing life alongside.  If you struggle with the same ole stuff, a solid friend can tell you what they see.  If you do great, you can do better.  The only thing we have to lose is our pride.   

Why Community Rocks

We've all heard the old saying, "No man is an island."  What many of us don't know is that it was written by John Donne, an English minister, sick in bed who thought he was dying.  This was during the time of the black plague that killed 1 out of every 3 people in Europe.  Amazing how looking death in the face helps you see things more clearly.

Scriptue also expresses this truth.  "Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together" and "confess your faults one to another."  But if you are like me, you want to know why.  Why is community important to us?  Why does God commend it?

In my first post, I mentioned that I believe every person brings something God-given to the table.  God has hidden in each one of us a little of his glory.  Even though we are made in his image, none of us are big enough to reflect the fullness of God's diversity, majesty, creativity, and brilliance.  God himself lives in community as the three-in-one.  Community is a core-value of God, so to speak.

So what does this mean?  Bottom line, when we isolate ourselves from others, we are isolating ourselves from the presence of God himself.  Those pieces of grace that he instills in others we deny ourselves.  Sure it's a hassle to to work through the baggage we all bring to the table in order to find the nugget of glory.  But if we aren't careful, we may find the quiet, hassle-free life we say we want is the quiet of a tomb.

  I'll look at some of the practical consequences of self-imposed exile in my next post.