The Road Goes Ever On and On

Man, the Glorious Ruin

Last post I shared my personal experience as a hybrid, a mix of good and evil.  I'd like to borrow from Francis Schaeffer and broaden that idea.  It was Schaeffer, by the way, who coined the title of this post.

Glorious ruin.  A very keen insight into human nature.  We are created in the image of God, lovingly designed and bestowed with gifts and powers similar to our creator, if not in extent.  But the gospel also points to our fallenness, our need of a savior.  We are ruined by sin, disconnected from our original intent and purpose, which is to know God, enjoy him forever, and reveal his glory. 

Instead of living for the glory of God, however, we live for number one, numero uno, me, myself and I.  Our selfishness separates us from God, each other and ultimately ourselves, for if we are living for our own pleasure and not God's pleasure, we rebel against our fundamental reason for being.   Fulfillment never comes from a steadfast focus on ourselves, even if it is a passionate desire for self-improvement.

Most of us focus on one half of our nature and ignore the other.  Some folks have low self-esteem, seeing only the ruin.  Others succumb to pride and see only their own glorious potential or current greatness.  Oh, we might piously speak about our faults, but if we truly face the extent of our sinfulness, it would be devastating, so we pretend it's all "under the blood."  But we are a mix of both good and evil, and denying one or the other is unwise.

God sees us just as we are and loves us dearly.  He knows our potential and greatness.  He also knows our ruin, the ugly side we desperately try to hide.  When we view ourselves as we really are, we can grieve our fallenness, and graciously accept God's grace.  We can accept our humanity and limitations and live honestly.  We embrace the fact that we can't live up to our full potential every day.  There are just too many variables, known and unknown, in our heart, emotions and world to live on top all the time.  But the love which envelopes us doesn't draw away in the presence of imperfection.  To the contrary, it is the needy cry of our hearts which draws God close to us, not our accomplishments.

But we can also humbly accept the compliments given when we do come through.  When I'm there for my kids, when I say or do just the right thing for my wife, I can feel good about being the husband and father God intended me to be.  But my worth doesn't depend on my performance.  So the flip side is that when I don't come through, when I'm tired, grouchy, or just plain selfish, it doesn't devastate a fragile ego because I'm not trying to maintain a fictional character, the perfect, awesome "Me."

So failure doesn't destroy us and accomplishments don't validate us.  We are glorious ruins, people with faults but also  great strength; in a word, hybrids.  The pressure is off.  We are free to be real people, that beautiful, volatile mix of all things human.  We can receive both correction and compliments, avoiding depression or pride.  We can succeed, we can fail, we can be known by God and others and mostly we can live and take risks because the father will never stop loving us. 

The Preaching of Pixar

Sometimes the best sermons are not preached in church . .

My two oldest kids went to church camp this week, so I've been having some awesome time with my youngest son James.  Among other things, James asked to see the movie "UP."  Being a Dad who likes to say yes whenever he can, I agreed.  I'm more drawn to your action/adventure genre, so I wasn't necessarily pumped about seeing it, but I was more blown away by "UP" than any thriller I've ever seen.

I cried in the beginning montage and I cried at the end.  If you haven't seen it, you should.  I won't give away the plot (though by this time most of you who are going to see it have seen it), but here is what I will say: what a sermon!  If pastors in churches across the country could preach this good, the church would be bringing 'em in more than the local cinema 24.

I was never reminded so strongly of how powerful human relationships can be.  I for one tend to be drawn to the big, the flashy, the "important" stuff like position or accomplishments.  But as one of the quotes in the movie goes, "It's the boring stuff that's the best."  The little boy character was referring to the times spent with his dad doing nothing in particular.  God has lived in relationship as three persons throughout eternity, and we who are made in his image find our greatest significance in relationships too.  Everything else in life is temporary, but people are forever.  Sometimes I forget that.  "UP" reminded me that if I live my life without love, I'm nothing (I Corinthians 13).

By the way, if you don't believe sermons can come from outside church, check this out: 

One day I walked by the field of an old lazybones,
   and then passed the vineyard of a lout;
They were overgrown with weeds,
   thick with thistles, all the fences broken down.
I took a long look and pondered what I saw; 
   the fields preached me a sermon and I listened:
"A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,
   sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next?
Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,
   with poverty as your permanent houseguest!"  Proverbs 24:30-34 (The Message)

I'll take God's word any way he wants to send it, whether it be through nature, Hollywood, a good novel or my wife and kids. 

What I learned at Camp

The past two weeks have definitely been outside my normal routine.  We just got back from our annual vacation at Hilton Head, and the week before that I volunteered to be a speaker/counselor at a youth camp.  Although it is hard to get back to normal after either event, the camp definitely had a more profound impact.

Yes, vacations are nice, but when you are able to give  yourself away and see positive results, it can change your life.  I met so many wonderful kids at the  youth camp.  Don't let the media tell you that kids don't want anything to do with adults.  The hunger for adult approval and masculine attention were evident.  The pull I felt from kids to interact with them surprised me.  How could they want to include a bald, overweight, 42 year old father of three in their circle of relationships?  Yet they long for positive adult friendships.

I could tell so many stories, but I'll share just one.  A  young lady I'll call Arwen was a counselor at the camp. After I spoke Sunday morning, I was standing in the lunch line as Arwen was serving and began a friendly conversation.  Arwen is 19, less than half my age, but has a good head on her shoulders.  She is also strikingly beautiful and smart.  But as I got to know her, I felt a prompting and asked about her dad.  I could see the change in her countenance.

She lives in the deep south, and her dad took a job in the upper midwest.  She misses him.  When I asked about this further, I could see the pain as she wondered how her dad could leave her and her mother for months because he wanted to get out of debt.  It struck me like a hammer blow.

How could any father choose to leave a daughter like this?  Outside of military service, I can't really think of one.  I related to the dilemma because I've debated some serious moves to improve our financial situation.  My kids aren't even driving yet, and if Arwen, a high-school graduate, has a hard time understanding her dad's decision, how can I choose to leave my kids?  I prayed with Arwen and we talked further about dealing with anger, disappointment, your parent's struggling marriage and loving them even when they make decisions youdon't understand.  I wish it were a happy-ever-after ending, but I'm not sure what the future holds for Arwen and her family.

Life isn't easy, and unfortunately the decisions we make as parents and adults are extremely demanding.  But when it comes to pouring myself into my kids or into my career, my kids are going to get the lion's share of me.  I went to youth camp to pour into kids, but somehow God gave me more than I gave away.  Funny how he does that. 

Feelings are Meant to be Felt

Christmas day 2008 was very nice.  We were blessed, and everybody received what was on their lists(within reason).  I noticed my 10 year old was a little quiet when the gift opening was over.  I followed up with him later.  He was disappointed that it was all over so quickly.  It's hard to watch a little of the childhood magic wear off as your kids get older. 

At his point, his sister ragged him a little, saying it would make us (parents, the family) feel bad if he were sad on Christmas.  Wasn't he grateful?  How could you be sad on Christmas day?  At this point, I stepped in.

I explained to him that it is ok to be a little sad, even on Christmas.  If you are sad, you are sad.  Feel it and let it out.  I also told him as we get older, things change.  That's ok too.  He thought about that, and later that day seemed fine, even though I know Christmas won't ever be to him like it was when the magic was new.  And that is still ok.  It's ok to grieve leaving the childhood phase of Christmas, that the "stuff" doesn't make you happy.  Only then will he be free to embrace other aspects, like family, traditions, and  the significance of Christ's birth.  You can't move on to the next phase if you don't leave the previous one.  

Our culture doesn't always do well with feelings.  Think about what you are saying when you tell your child, "It's Christmas! You aren't sad!  Don't be silly!  Look at all these cool presents!"  What you are saying is that your feelings are illegitimate, that you don't know what to feel so let me tell you.  How confusing is that?  You feel what you feel.  Let it flow.  Otherwise, you bottle up stuff that should be let out, and end up living through a facade.  I don't want that for me and I don't want that for my children.

Unfortunately, my experience has also been that church is one of the worst places to be real.  I guess it happens wherever people assemble in numbers, including family gatherings and work.  We want to put our best foot forward.  But my dream is that in our families and at church we can let go of the expectations and facades. If people aren't feeling totally on their A-game one day, we have grace.  It's ok to have a bad day, to feel "off."  I for one don't want to pressure myself, my kids, my family, or my friends to label their feelings illegitimate and end up being pretenders.  Let's be real.  We can handle it.