The Road Goes Ever On and On

Blessings of Empty Space

I'm well into my third year of unemployment.  Unlike many, it was my choice.  Well, not three years of it, but the initial decision to leave my job was all mine.  I've been homeschooling the kids while my wife stepped up full-time as a speech therapist.  Men tend to find their self-worth and identity in their jobs;  I'm no exception, so there are times not working a "real job" just plain sucks.  But I've discovered blessings by being out of the work force for awhile.

1. I spend a lot of time with the kids. Yes, there are times I wish I were somewhere else, but it has been great to spend more time with my kids than just about every other man I know.  In about 7 years we will be empty nesters; life comes at you fast and I'm grateful for my time with them.

2.   My work isn't tied to a dollar amount.  Our culture is really wrapped up in putting a monetary value on one's performance.  Believe me when I tell you living contrary to that mindset is a struggle; I find that my self- esteem takes a huge hit when I see the financial or social success of others.  But really, do the salaries of Tiger Woods, Johnny Depp and Peyton Manning reflect the ultimate value of what they do? 

3. Quiet and rest.  People take a week off here and there, but three years?  I am schooling the kids and maintaining the household, not laying around drinking beer (at least not every day).  But it is very different than 40+ hours at a job.  Without the time and effort a job consumes, there is a lot chances for my inner world to bubble up to the surface.  Much of it stinks.  But by coming to terms with it, I know myself better and have found peace with a lot of things I've struggled with over the years.  So quiet and rest are not as pleasant as they sound at first; some days it seems like torture.  But it really is a gift which has allowed me to change, hopefully for the better.

There are more, but these are huge for me.  Thank's God, for this season of life.

Why Home School?

In my last post, I focused on how Jesus gave me a reality check through scripture.  In passing, I mentioned that the catalyst to the crisis was homeschooling, specifically the financial hardship it can bring when one parent isn't working.  It made me ask myself,  why did my wife and I decide to home school anyway?  Eight years into it, it's probably a good idea to examine our motives.

The first reason that came to mind was the example of my wife's family.  Her brother and his wife decided to home school.  This was back when the home school movement was in it's infancy, so they really paved the way and took all the grief from family and friends who thought home schoolers were nuts (some are, but that's a different post).  As I dated and eventually married Kosa, I spent a lot of time with her brother's family (she lived with them at the time).  I was very impressed with the family dynamic and homeschooling seemed a good option.

Secondly, to be honest, we were not happy with Charlotte's school system.  And believe me, I've heard every argument about how you should support the system and not pull out the good kids.  But the schools in our district are towards the bottom of the pack in performance, and that worried us, which was another nudge toward teaching them ourselves.

I could go into all kinds of arguments about the ratio of students to teachers (public school classroom, 30 to 1; private, 12 to 1; home school, 1 to 1), impressive test scores by home schoolers, and all kinds of success stories.  But to be perfectly candid, my wife and I simply like being a family and didn't want to give it up too soon.

We are open to other options, but for now home school does it for us.  Yes, sometimes I worry that we are smothering the kids or not preparing them to interact with people who don't share our values.  But in spite of all that, we love being a family.  We love having tea and a fire while reading history.  We like the hikes and field trips.  Right now we don't want to sub-out what we feel is our God-given responsibility to raise our kids.  Yes, passing on our values are part of the reason, but mostly we just like being with them.  I don't see myself on my deathbed wishing I had worked harder and made more money.  We pay the price now, but I"m hoping to see great results when we release three wonderful people into the world later.

Jesus Sets Me Straight

Sometimes I get moody (big surprise)!  Mostly I think of all the money we forfeit as a family by either my wife or I staying home to school the kids.  Incidentally, it just happens to be me right now, which is difficult; how many other home schooling dads do you know?

I also have a confession.  I got pretty slack on my Bible reading  duringthe holiday season.  No wonder I was blue!  Step one, immerse yourself in a consumer, materialist mentality.  Step two, neglect the one voice of sanity in your life that keeps you focused.  Did I have a death wish, or what?

New Years day I bought a new copy of The Message Bible and decided to read it through this year.  So I downloaded a "read your Bible in a year" plan and started.  Yesterday Jesus nailed me.  Check out this portion of scripture from Matthew 6:

25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

 27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

 30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

 34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Wow!  Major Wow!  Jesus had my number, and through the words of a two-thousand year old book, he nailed me.  I repented, and got up after my reading time a changed man.  I know the temptation to focus on the insanity of my culture will return, but hopefully I'll be ready next time.